Rogue Bakery Says…

Things are getting weirder…but ‘good’ weirder

June 29th, 2011

I know I keep bringing up the fact that Rogue Bakery has only been around one whole year. Blah blah blah, perhaps you’re tired of hearing that, but it’s true! This time last year, probably only 3-4 people had taken the plunge, and ordered cookies. Also, it was much hotter last year, wasn’t it?

Just in the past few months, Rogue Bakery has been doing…a lot, haha. I honestly don’t know where all this is coming from, not that I’m complaining. For example, in just the last 2 months, besides delivering weekly to all you guys, and Rogue Bakery has provided cookies for:

Chase Leadership Academy, a mentoring program for high school seniors sponsored by Chase and Big Brothers Big Sisters, at Brookhaven High School

Jessica Miller Photography…or more importantly, her wedding!

The Shadowbox Live! Backstage Bistro, the first retail location for Rogue Bakery.

An Abercrombie & Fitch board meeting. I know, that’s a strange one, right? I guess they read about Rogue Bakery in 614 Magazine. The order was only for four dozen, so compared to the hundreds of cookies provided for the others above, it really wasn’t that many. So why do I bring it up? Because the Abercrombie & Fitch campus is weird, and kinda cool. Here’s a pic of the ol’ delivery wagon, parked outside their campus cafeteria/restaurant.

And here’s what the inside of the cafeteria looks like. For full effect, you should listen to a dance remix of your favorite pop song, at full volume, because that’s what it was like entering this place.

Also, there are Razor scooters everywhere; I guess that is the preferred mode of transportation.

See, mentioning this totally fits in with the whole “weird” theme of this post! And now things are getting even weirder…but in a good way.

As you know, the Four Four Four Dozen was introduced about a month ago, and you guys really seem to like it, as it has outsold the Halfsies Dozen every single week since its introduction. However, it has its share of problems…well, honestly, it’s you guys.

See, the Four Four Four Dozen is so named because you get to choose three kinds of cookies, and you get four cookies of each of those kinds; and that equals one dozen, or twelve cookies:

3 [types of cookies] x 4 [cookies] = 12 [cookies] = 1 [dozen]

Very simple math. Or so I thought. Now, I’m not going to specifically point out any of you who have ordered [because there are quite a few of you!], but you guys aren’t good at math. Each week since the Four Four Four Dozen was introduced, I’ve received multiple orders with people choosing four different types of cookies. See, if we do the math,

4 [types of cookies] x 4 [cookies] = 16 [cookies] ≠ 1 [dozen]

Now, I have to take some of the blame for this, as the store isn’t capable to display choices for your order, so I asked you to just make a note when ordering. Not exactly the best method for choosing, and I’m sorry for the confusion.

But come on! 3 x 4 = 12! Geez…

So how do we fix all this?

By getting rid of cookies by the dozen. Yep, starting tomorrow, there will be no more cookies by the dozen.

Instead, the store will be populated with packs of four cookies and packs of six cookies. You will be able to pick whatever cookies you want, and break that “gotta get a dozen”-mentality. Maybe you want 8 MCC’s and 6 INAS? You can do that. Maybe you want 14 ODPC’s? You can do that. Maybe you want only 4 CMC’s? Yeah, you can do that too…although, who only wants 4 cookies? You will totally be kicking yourself when you eat those cookies in 2 minutes flat, so I urge you to buy at least 8 cookies. Also, gas—just to drive 4 cookies out to you—is expensive. Just saying.

There you go. Let me know what you think, or tell me that I am off my rocker. It’s okay, you’re not the first person to tell me that. Speaking of me being off my rocker, and this being a post about weird stuff, for some unknown reason [or perhaps because they are off their rocker], WTTE Fox 28 in Columbus wants me to be on their morning show, Good Day Columbus, on Thursday, June 30th from 7-9am…the WHOLE TWO HOURS. I guess they want me to fill the studio with the aroma of fresh baked cookies, and to teach an anchor or two how to bake. Or they just want cookies, and didn’t understand the Four Four Four Dozen. So, if you’re up, and happen to be watching TV, feel free to tune in. Or at least DVR it. Because this could be the most uncomfortable two hours of television you will ever see. Seriously, I have no idea what I’m doing.

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8 Strange Things I Learned While Driving Cookies Around

June 27th, 2011

It’s weird, you know? Delivering cookies to random people’s homes.

I’m not going to lie, that weirdness is kind of attractive, haha. I mean, it’s clearly something no sane person would ever think of doing. And I always pictured myself as less than sane. I don’t think “sane” is the proper term. Perhaps…eccentric? No, that’s not the right word either, because when I think of eccentric, I think of some guy in a bowler hat carrying an umbrella and wearing a three-piece suit in the middle of summer. Well, whatever the word is, I’m it. But you should be glad that I’m that, or else you would never have cookies delivered to your door. :)

With hundreds of deliveries under my belt, I can say that I’ve learned a lot of things doing this every week, and some of them are weird. Some? I mean they are all weird.

8 Strange Things I Learned While Driving Cookies Around

1. Half of you have non-working doorbells.

I’m not kidding. If you think your doorbell works, please check it again. Seriously. You could be missing packages, or important visitors, or frustrating kids doing Ding Dong Ditch. The scenario usually plays out with me ringing the bell, you not hearing it, me not knowing if the bell works, me ringing it again and standing there, then finally knocking on the door, to have you come to the door 5 seconds after I’ve knocked.

2. The moment I think you’re not home, and open your storm door to place the cookies safely inside the door is the EXACT MOMENT you open the door, possibly freaking out both of us.

It never fails. “Nobody seems to be home, I guess I’ll just leave these cooki…AHHHHHH! I’m delivering cookies, not trying to break in!”

3. While driving down your street, the moment I look away to make sure I’m searching for the correct house number is the exact moment I pass up your house.

Happens. Every. Time.

4. Dogs like to bark at people who deliver cookies to your home.

Do dogs like cookies? Or just hate me? Or maybe I should make cookies for your dogs, so they like me? Hmmmm…

5. Your neighbors look at me strangely.

Sometimes it feels like I’m driving a bright magenta car, and I’m dressed in a Donald Duck costume. [Note - My car is black, and I wear a Goofy costume.] I get the strangest looks from your neighbors, as I walk up to your house with a bag of cookies. Sometimes I wave to them. They just stare at me.

6. There’s a good chance that if you weren’t home, and I left your cookies at the door, the moment I pull out of your driveway, you will drive up.

And then it’s weird and awkward as I try to explain who I am, and apologize for blocking your drive, as it’s often the case where I am parked on the side of the driveway where you park, or pull into the garage.

7. GPS is a lifesaver.

Did you know for about half a year, I did all deliveries without the aid of a GPS unit? I know, I’m crazy. I used to look up/print out Google Maps to locate houses. Even using those was kind of difficult. And it’s funny, because when I was 18, I used to deliver pizzas in a Cleveland suburb, Strongsville. Back then, there was no GPS, OR Google Maps. I just had a giant 3ft by 3ft map of the city, which I folded up, and shoved in my glove box. Delivery people have it so easy these days. Except if they’re delivering to new developments in New Albany. Because that stuff doesn’t show up on GPS. It just thinks I’m driving in a forest. A forest with white picket fences everywhere.

8. People in Clintonville love cookie delivery.

The majority of orders come from Clintonville. I don’t know why. Second in deliveries is Dublin. After those two, it’s pretty much just spread around Columbus, from the outskirts of Hilliard all the way down to Pickerington.

So that’s that. I was going to add a number 9: You guys are not good at math. But that will be another post, and I will address your deficiencies in multiplication and try to help you out. Stay tuned for the math lesson… ;)

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The Best Cookie Photographer EVER!

June 2nd, 2011

Clearly, I’m biased. But hey, there is a lot of truth to this.

All the cookies you see on this website (and in this article in the June issue of 614 Magazine) were photographed by the incredibly talented Kate Djupe. So how did this cookie photography match-made-in-heaven come about?

She ordered cookies.

Yeah, that’s it. You were expecting some really exciting story, weren’t you? Sorry, but that’s what happened. Here’s some photographic evidence:

the big boy cookie fairy

That was taken on my very first cookie delivery to her house…except that wasn’t her house. That was her mother’s house. A last minute change in delivery venues brought me over there. [Note: Rogue Bakery is very flexible with delivery, and changes in delivery. We just want you to get your cookies! :) ]

I’m not sure what happened next. I think she ordered more cookies. Read the rest of this entry »

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