Where am I???
I don't really know. You might be at home or at work. I guess you're on the internet if you're reading this. Or maybe you're on a bus, reading this on your phone. Are you on a bus? Where are you going?
You guys bake cookies?
Yes. Crazy, huh? They're really good cookies. Really.
Wait, you bake cookies, then deliver them to me?
Yes. Crazy, huh? They're really good cookies. Really. And yes, we deliver. We do one delivery day per week in both Columbus and Cleveland. Actually, I take that back. We *used* to do a delivery day in Cleveland, but it turns out that people in Cleveland aren't really too keen on cookie delivery. Which is totally fine, tomato, tomaaahto. Do you actually know anyone who pronounces it "tomaaahto"? Anyway, the current delivery day in Columbus is on Sunday, and if you're not around Columbus, we can also mail cookies to you.
How does this local delivery thing work? When will I get my cookies?
If you live in Columbus, and you place your cookie order before 12am Saturday [Friday night at midnight], your order will be scheduled for delivery on Sunday. Delivery on Sundays in Columbus starts at 12pm, and goes on through out the day. We cannot give you a specific time when your delivery will be made, because it depends on the number of orders that come in during the week, and to what areas in Columbus those orders are to be delivered. We cannot guarantee a specific time when your delivery will be made, because…this is a pretty small operation, and we currently have one delivery vehicle. BUT, we will make every attempt possible to make sure you have your cookies on Sunday. If you think you may have some issues regarding delivery, please feel free to message us via the form on our Contact page.
Do I have to be home for delivery?
Honestly, only you can answer that. If someone is not home during delivery, and if the driver believes the cookies can be left safely and securely at the door of the house, then they will be left. Many customers actually prefer this, as that means they can head out to a late brunch, pick up some groceries, go for a run, etc. and know that they will come home to cookies. :) However, some apartment dwellers [especially those who have a secure building entrance for resident access only] may not be able to have their cookies left at their door. In these cases, please contact Rogue Bakery to work out details in order to have your cookies delivered to you when you are home.
What is your delivery area?
Here's a handy map [accurately rendered by the person who writes this blog] to show you the delivery area. The basic rule for local delivery is "Within a 30 minute drive from the center of the city." Pretty much everything within 270 is covered. If you're just outside 270, in the Pants Free Zone, for example, you still might be covered. Just shoot us an email [[email protected]] or use the contact form if you have any questions.
I have a problem with my order. :(
I'm so sorry! Please email us right away at [email protected] or fill out the contact form here, and we will fix your cookie problem. :)
What are your thoughts about the latest Dancing With The Stars contestants?
Oh, do I have some thoughts on this! Let's go through them one by one:
Bonner Bolton - model/bull rider - Yeah, I don't know this guy. If America loves him for some reason, he could be a wildcard.
Charo - incredible flamenco guitarist/singer/comedian/Cuchi-Chuchi lady - She's going to be the fiery, fun dancer. And I'm sure she still has some moves left in her.
Chris Kattan - comedian/actor/one of A Night At The Roxbury guys - The jokester. If he can move, he's got a chance.
David Ross - requisite sports ball player - He's in it to appeal to the guys who may be forced to watch this with their significant other. Chances of winning? Nope. I'm calling it.
Erika Jayne - real housewife/dance song hit maker? - I haven't watched the Real Houswives of Beverly Hills in a while, so I don't know her. I've also don't recognize the names of any of her songs, but I bet if I heard some of them, I'd remember. Anyway, yeah, she's not winning.
Heather Morris - played Brittany S. Pierce on Glee, oh, and she's also A PROFESSIONAL DANCER - Way to put in a ringer, ABC. Seriously, do you know that she was in the second season of So You Think You Can Dance?, and just missed being in the top 20? But it's okay, this "amateur" dancer got a nice gig as one of Beyonce's back-up dancers on tour! Yeah, she was an actor on Glee, too. Let's be real: she's a straight up DANCER. Look at this video of her performing Single Ladies with the Queen and you tell me if she's going to be able to take ballroom dancing choreography...partnered with MAKSIM of all people. That's a one-two punch to the other celebrity dancers' collective guts.
Mr. T - big mohawk guy from The A-Team - I'm not sure what kind of moves TV's B.A. Baracus has, but I'm sure he'll be fun to watch. And people know him better than the bull rider/model.
Nancy Kerrigan - professional ice skater/knee whackee - If there's a second class of ringer, besides professional dancers, it's figure skaters. Why? Because they know how to take direction, and they know how to learn routines, which dancing and figure skating have in common. If she's graceful on the ice, there's a chance she's graceful on the floor.
Nick Viall - The Bachelor that just won't leave - Seriously, we just watched a whole season of this wishy washy dude, and now we have to watch a whole other season of him being wishy washy as he dances? If his wishy washy-ness doesn't wear you down, his strange lisp that comes out every so often, will. Did I mention I'm tired of this wishy washy Bachelor guy?
Normani Kordei - a fraction of Fifth Harmony, which was created on the reality show The X-Factor - I have this feeling that people get on reality TV shows, just so they can do more reality TV shows. Anyway, I'm sure ABC is betting that young people will know her and watch the show, even though there are no Disney Channel TV show stars in the line-up.
Rashad Jennings - Sports ball player...the OTHER kind of sports ball - Again, he's here for the males who will be forced to watch. You never know, he could be a surprise.
Simone Biles - everyone's favorite Olympic gymnast/Zac Efron fan - She is the third class of ringer, behind actual dancers and figure skaters. Why? Have you seen a gymnastic floor routine? That's basically choreographed dancing. And she's someone that parents and kids will recognize. I bet Simone will do great.
Why is that cookie called I'M NOT A SNICKERDOODLE?
Well, because it's not a snickerdoodle. There's no cinnamon in it, which is an essential part of a snickerdoodle. Read more about The INAS, and all the other cookies, here.
Do you make things besides cookies?
Unfortunately, we do not, at this moment, make anything besides cookies. We wanted to make sure whatever we made was the bestest in the world, so we concentrated on one thing, and one thing only: cookies.
Well, you're called "Rogue Bakery", but if you only make cookies, why didn't you just call yourself "Rogue Cookies?"
Well, as I said, we don't make anything besides cookies…at this moment in time. That could change. You never know! ;)
Do you think that Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton as a couple on The Voice is annoying?
Yes.
Are your cookies Vegan and/or Gluten-Free?
Two of the cookies offered are Vegan and Gluten-Free: Chocolate Liberator and Ancho Peanut Butter. In the future, we hope to offer more Gluten-Free and Vegan cookies.
What's up with that Kazoo Kid?
I HAVE NO IDEA. He's sooooooo creepy. You wouldn't think a kid playing a kazoo could be that creepy…but he is. To see the most of the creepiness, check out this remix.
Do you sell your cookies at any retail locations in Columbus?
Yes we do! You can find our cookies at Hemingway's Coffee Nook (first floor of 175 On The Park building Downtown), The Hills Market Downtown, The Hills Market Worthington, Kingmakers Game Parlour in the Short North, Ace of Cups bar near Hudson and High, and Lulu's Sweet Shop candy store in Uptown Westerville. Selection may vary by store, so if you’re looking for a specific cookie you can’t find in the store, you can demand the establishment to carry the cookie! Alternatively, you can order directly from us online, and we’ll deliver it to you!
Do any of your cookies have Beef or Chicken?
Currently, we do not offer any cookies that contain Beef. We have a fried chicken cookie, which has no chicken in it, but it tastes like chicken. We did have a cookie that tasted like Thanksgiving stuffing, and that had some chicken broth in it. Does that count? We do offer a cookie that tastes like Ranch Dressing, which would probably pair well with a Beef or Chicken cookie...if we made one...which we could...maybe...in the future...?.
Rogue Bakery makes some strange cookies. What other strange cookie ideas do you have?
People always think of the cookie as, well, a cookie. It's a snack. It's a dessert. But you know, it doesn't have to be. Here at Rogue Bakery, we think, "Why can't a cookie be (blank)?" What if cookies were like bread, and you would use them to make sandwiches. No, not ice cream sandwiches. What about cookie chicken sandwiches?? Or what if cookies were a side dish, like mashed potatoes, and carrots? Like, what if, for dinner, you had meatloaf with a side of potato and carrot cookies? Or what if cookie flavors changed, depending on what you ate them with? So many possibilities!
If I order cookies to be mailed, when will I get my cookies?
Cookie orders are shipped Wednesday of each week via USPS Priority Mail (2-3 days). Any cookie mail order received before Tuesday will be shipped on the following Wednesday. Every order received ON Tuesday through the following Monday will be shipped on Wednesday of the following week. So, basically, the last day you can place a mail order and have your cookies received the same week is on Monday. tl;dr: place mail orders on Monday. :)
You're called Rogue Bakery. Do you steal your cookies from other bakeries?
Yes, we do. Well, *WE* don't. We hire elves. Usually they do this at night, when people are asleep. After stealing them, they deliver them to us, and we perform super top-secret magic, and make them into Rogue Bakery cookies. When I say "super top-secret magic", I really mean we change the packaging and the labels. Of course, we don't have elves steal cookies from other bakeries. You didn't actually believe that, did you?
I need a big cookie. You know, like the kind that you get for someone's birthday. Do you make those?
We sure do! And it's a big one. The Rogue Bakery Big Cookie is 16 inches in diameter. Yeah, it's not a wuss of a cookie, like the big cookies you get in a grocery store. I'm not sure how many it serves, but I can tell you that it's the same amount of dough as two dozen normal Rogue Bakery cookies.
I'm sorry, my dog asked that question about Beef and Chicken cookies. I left my iPad out, and he got to it. I didn't know he knew how to type on the touchscreen!
Oh, it's okay. But maybe he just wants some Rogue Bakery Dog Cookies? Hmm…that may be something we'll consider. I hate typing on touchscreens, personally. Your dog must be skilled, because it must be really hard to type with paws.
Do you do custom orders?
Yes, we do! We can do custom orders of any size, like cookie platters for weddings and other fun parties. And we also do custom-shaped Shapeshifter cookies for an additional fee. Contact us for more details! :)
I really like chocolate.
That's not really a question. But, did you know that possibly eating chocolate can help you lose weight ? And if that's the case, you should check out the Dark Chocolate Chip + Sea Salt, and the Chocolate Chocolate Chip + Sea Salt. Those two cookies should help you lose a lot of weight…
Do you miss Vine? I sure do.
Yes. Yes, we do. Have you seen this Vine/Chance the Rapper thing? So good.
I don't live in Columbus, but I'd like to order cookies for someone who does live in Columbus. Is that possible?
Of course it is! Everyone loves a gift of cookies delivered to their door. Just head on over to the store, order cookies that are available for local delivery, and be sure to give the recipient's address when filling out the order form.
Why are your cookies so good?
It might have to do with the fact that the cookies contain at least 15% love by volume. Love always makes things taste good. I mean, *I* think the cookies are good, but I don't know if that's an across-the-board statement for everyone. Different strokes for different folks, you know? I mean, maybe Arnold likes I'M NOT A SNICKERDOODLE! Mr. Drummond might like Chips Ahoy!â„¢, even though he's super-rich. If you really like the cookies, well thanks! Tell us about it on our Facebook page.
Are you on Twitter, too?
Why yes, we are! Twitter is where we spend most of our time talking to you guys. Did you know that, years ago, we started exclusively on Twitter? So if you have a question or just want to talk, feel free to mention us @RogueBakery.
How about Instagram? Are you on Instagram?
Why yes, we are! We post food pics, not just cookie pics, because, hey, we like eating stuff other than cookies! Please follow us so we can be friends! :)
How about Snapchat? Do you Snap?
We do Snap! We're "RogueBakery" on there! But we're new, and we're still figuring stuff out. Why? Because we're trying to figure out what stuff to post that's not on Twitter or Instagram.
